12 Steps Men Can Take to End Sexism

Image via Wikipedia

The amazing men behind NOMAS
were the creator of these steps.
We should fully support their efforts,
for it takes real men, with real
convictions to stand against any
type of bigotry, sexism, etc.

It is a fact, if you are a man (a father, a son, a brother, a nephew, a grandson, etc.) chances are that you will one day enter into a heterosexual relationship. Doing so requires you to know some basic aspects to eradicate sexism in all of its form. It is the courageous thing to do. Only real men can make a real commitment to help improve the lives of the women they love. By taking a stance, you can stop the violence that any of the women around you, that you love, will endure in life. Do you know that there is one sexual assault every 127 seconds, or about 1 every 2 minutes? Is this humane? Is this Christian? Would you like to see a woman you love go through something like this? If your answer is no, then adhere to the Steps below. They could save the life of a woman you know, or even more.

The 12 Steps that Men Can Take to End Sexism:

1. Don't interrupt women when they speak, control their space, or assume they need your protection.  Focus on the effect of your actions, rather than on the intent.

2. Support women's leadership and help elect progressive women to political office.

3. Support women's equality in education, sports, and in the workplace.

4. Don't condone, laugh at, or tell sexist (racist or homophobic) jokes or stories.

5. Don't make fun of or invalidate anyone's emotional reactions.

6. Listen, believe, and be accountable to women and their stories. When confronted on your own sexism (racism, homohobia, etc.) listen instead of getting defensive.

7. Tell the women and men in your life that you love them, out loud.

8. Be the kind of father you always wanted to have.

9. Be the kind of partner you would want your children's partner to be.

10. Share responsibility for birth control and reproductive health and safety.

11. Speak up when you see violence or abuse directed at women or children, in real life, or in the media. Donate to a local rape crisis, sexual assault, and domestic violence program.

12. Oppose pornography and the sex industry.

Is it so hard to do? Does it make you feel like a lesser man? If that is the case, please seek help because sexual, emotional, physical, etc. abuse against women is wrong. Sexism is wrong! You can be prosecuted, and laws will continue to get tougher because we, women, will continue to fight injustice and misogyny.

The problem attached to the penis

Image by smiteme via Flickr

The hatred of women: Misogyny, at its maximum. This is
highly criticized by, of course, men. They find that
misogyny is not accurate. Are they blind?

What do we teach boys? Boys are to be tough, strong and opinionated. They should have tons of girlfriends and maintain their manly relationships (referred by society these days as "bromance") above all. Their guy friends come first, the "buddies" are it all, and their "man cave" is an excuse to do nothing around the house and enslave the blind women they marry. If these Stepford Wives do not tolerate such behavior, they are out! And, they're also out if they stop being at the center of their men's sexual desires. Why is this all tolerated? Why are women treated poorly? Could it be that most of these men (and society as a whole, including religion) are so scared of women, our mental power, our tolerance to pain, our ability to bring life into this world, our center-stage relevance in the family institution, and our resiliency (women outlive men, even after most prescription drugs are for men and in some cases could even hurt the female anatomy) even against all of these odds?

Real men do not violate women! Real men will join a NOMAS.org organization in their neighborhoods and will finally act like real men should, and not like the clowns that we see on SpikeTV. That is how the sanctity of marriage will be saved, and not by badgering the gays who want same-sex marriage. It is a heterosexual problem caused mostly by men and by a society that spits all over women, but reveres men. After all, this is a patriarchal society. Is it not?

But, let me post the advice that NOMAS gives to men: 12 Steps Men Can Take to End Sexism Be mindful, this takes a real man to be able to follow these and to respect your partner.  Don't worry, I'll post these 12 Steps in my next post. Repetition works. Repetition works. Repetition works. Although, this audience may not have ears where it should.

Finally, let me be fully blatant. Society as a whole is to blame for these actions. Let's look at pregnancy and a woman's right to reproductive self-determination. Instead of focusing on badgering the pregnant women who are pregnant due to God knows whatever situation (rape, incest, forced sex from a spouse, etc.), they should focus on teaching men how to be responsible with their sexual desires, how to use contraception (of their choice), how to become more involved in their family's (wife, girlfriend, children) lives and how to communicate better. Instead, however, men play the fool and by doing so we continue to breed men who are inadequate to do anything other than to satisfy their penile desires.

As an interesting topic, while blogging for this post, there were tons of images of nude women, but almost none of men. Why is it that we allow this objectified image of the female body and hide the male penis? Is it a taboo or is there more to it? And while typing, and highlighting the phrase "male penis" all the results that came up had to do with sexual enhancing desire product or how to enhance the size, keep the erection, etc., but never was there a photo of a penis. Had I typed the word vagina, my results would have been quite different. They were! I saw plastic vagina artifacts, books of female anatomy close ups (none for the penis search), love blow up dolls, and much more degrading results. Why the double standard? Are we really insignificant to this society? Or, is it the conspiracy theory that has kept women from establishing a matriarchal system? Am I the only one paying attention? Our women are brainwashed, and so was I many years ago. And, men love keeping us that way.  More to come!

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Bus driver refuses to drive woman to Planned Parenthood

According to a release published on the Feminist Majority Foundation's website, a bus driver in Central Texas has sued his former employer, charging that he was discriminated against for his religious beliefs after he was fired for refusing to drive a woman to Planned Parenthood.

Planned Parenthood offers many services to women, their partners, families and educators. However, the bus driver was convinced that she was going to the facility for an abortion. Despite the fact that abortion is legal in every state, this man felt that he had the right and obligation to judge this woman based on her choice of what to do with her body, all while attempting to make her decision for her. Of course, the transportation company fired him, but the all righteous one is now suing for damages!

Check out the full story below, along with some strong opinions on the topic. And, I ask you, what would happen if men were asked to keep their genitals in place to avoid getting women pregnant? Would they feel that their rights were violated then? If you are pro-life, you should take a stronger stance than just fighting the consequence. Fight the problem! Let's teach men some self-control. I bet no one dares to talk about that!! Do they?

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Boxing girls right from the start

Blue is for boys and pink is for girls, at least that is what “they” wanted me to believe. Still, when I walk down the aisles of a department store, I know when I have arrived in the girls section … I am blinded by pink! What aren’t wrapped in the unsightly packaging are usually household appliances like a kitchen set, an easy bake oven, toy vacuum cleaners and dolls. There may be a few gender neutral toys, but the majority is not. We’ve done it. We’ve boxed our girls into being the caretakers of life, right from the beginning.

Think about the characteristics that we assign to children before they can even crawl. Boys are taught to be rough, tough, stoic and unemotional (attributes also damaging to them) while girls are expected to be delicate, fragile, and beautiful. However, these are society’s constructs which leads to the battle of the genders (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus), even though it is not biologically based. According to Gilbert's Review of Literature (2001), female infants appear to be less emotional and vulnerable than male babies. Additionally, the author purports that females are less affected by maternal depression. Whoa, bet you didn't see that one coming! Are you telling me that the “sensitive” beings are not so sensitive after all and that biologically speaking, before adults have influence over children’s behavior, the exact opposite holds true? The bottom line is that girls start "acting" like girls and boys start “acting” like boys around the age of 2 or 3 based on the way the adults around them treat them. Now, that is the true definition of nature vs. nurture.

As children reach school age, I’m certain you’ve heard that boys excel at math and science and girls excel at verbal skills. Perhaps you were even told that growing up. Perhaps you were taught wrong. According to the National Network for Child Care (NNCC), an organization dedicated to sharing knowledge about children and child care from the vast resources of land-grant universities, researchers are now focusing on the impact that the social environment has on gender scholastic achievement. The results … well, adults are to blame, again. Think about the types of toys parents often buy their boys. They usually include tinker toys, Legos, wooden blocks, construction kits, cars, chemistry sets and even mini-machines. These types of toys allow boys to develop inherent principles relating to math and science. Usually, girls do not have the same playful experiences; therefore they continue to feel insecure about their mathematical or science abilities once they are in the classroom. The NNCC’s website asserts that even teachers, “usually unaware of their own biases, call on boys more, praise boys more for correct answers, and are more likely to ask boys for help in science and math demonstrations.” The consistent message girls get is that they are not as good as boys.

Similarly, girls are encouraged to attend college for fields that “suit” social norms, like English, Literature or Teaching. After all, isn’t that how they can succeed? False! So, as you can see, we set our girls up for a lifetime of occupations that are neither financially rewarding nor culturally influential. We set them up for failure right from the beginning, while encouraging them to succeed … or so we think.

The F Word

Feminist. To be or not to be? That is the question. If you asked me if I was a feminist 10 years ago, I would have said "absolutely not." However, like many women, that was long before I understood  the concept of feminism. Instead, I focused my perception of what I thought it to mean. The perception that society has ingrained in me for most of my life. Feminist ... a woman who hates men. When I was once asked if I was one, I was insulted by the question. After all, how could this person imply that I was someone who could think that I was superior to another human being, simply because of my gender. But, I was wrong.

Feminism n. refers to the policy, practice or advocacy of political, economic, and social equality for women (Webster, 2010). Do you see the word "men" mentioned anywhere in that definition? No. Of course not. It is not about them, it is about us. It is about equality and living in the pursuit of happiness, like we all deserve.

Did you know that after children, the largest poverty group in the United States is women over the age of 60 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2009)? This is a direct correlation between women and the powerful positions in society, which are most often held by men. According to Fortune magazine (2009), only 13 women head Fortune 500 companies. Considering women make up more than half of the U.S. population, these numbers are increasingly disproportionate and alarming. Similar statistics can be found in other highly regarded professions such as law, medicine and business.

Let's examine the law-makers of this country, shall we? How many do you think are women? You guessed it ... not many. According to the Leadership Theory and Practice by scholar Peter Northouse (2009), the glass ceiling (a socio-economic barrier that prevents women from reaching top positions) is based on gender stereotypes that women take care and men take charge. The social constructs have perpetuated such biases. These perceptions have even been carried over onto the campaign trail. Think of how many times Hillary Clinton was condemned for wearing certain color suits or her hair in an unflattering form. When is the last time the media focused attention like that on a male contender? I still say that if Hillary had been a man, she would have won the primary. A woman who takes charge is seen as a b*^&% while a man is considered strong and assertive. Women today still earn just 77 cents for every dollar men make, in the same field, with the same level of education.

On July 20, 2010, President Obama released a statement addressing this very topic. In it, he said: "Paycheck discrimination hurts families who lose out on badly needed income. And with so many families depending on women's wages, it hurts the American economy as a whole. In difficult economic times like these, we simply cannot afford this discriminatory burden." Specifically, the President urged the Senate to pass the Paycheck Fairness Act, a bill that would amend the "Equal Pay Act to revise remedies for, enforcement of, and exceptions to prohibitions against sex discrimination in the payment of wages." For feminists who have worked tirelessly on such efforts, they are just finally starting to pay off.

By the way, there is no gender requirement to be a feminist. President Obama is a feminist himself. He has spoken relentlessly about ensuring that his girls have the same opportunities available to them as their male counterparts. All of us have an obligation to ensure that "our" girls have those same opportunities.

So, am I a feminist? You bet I am, and YOU should be too.

Thinking Outside the Box: “If you aren’t outraged, you’re not paying attention”

Welcome to Thinking Outside the Box (TOTB)! Worldwide, women are second class citizens. Yes, even here in the United States. Sure, it may be more obvious in third world countries or in cultures that are more blatant about it, but female bias exists everywhere. It affects our lives in virtually every facet from childhood throughout adulthood and unfortunately, many of us have grown so accustomed to such injustices, we don’t even realize they exist.

This is a provocative blog that exploits the inconvenient truth of gender inequity. By educating our women and girls, they will grow to be better leaders at home, at school and in the workforce. However, the first step is to recognize the damage that our society inflicts on us from birth, which often results in a plagued self-esteem and self-worth. Next, is to accept that these “norms” must be challenged.

What mainstream society may consider being a radical point of view, TOTB will not only present opinions based on observation, but opinions that are reinforced by experts in women’s studies, social justice, and anthropology. Ladies (and gentlemen) this is not a “how to bake cookies” feel good blog since its purpose stems to go beyond traditional female ideologies. Take a look around … if you aren’t outraged, you’re not paying attention.